If you have children, be sure to let them participate in all the mobbings you do. Voices that can be said to “represent” those of all ages are necessary to create for the victim the compelling and end-to-end experience of an angry and righteous community throwin’ her out of the property you’re taking. Criminy, I mean the property you’re trying to take.

If you can’t create digital filters of children’s voices to harass with in the mobbing, go ahead and just let the kids participate. Growing up bullying adults teaches the tikes to be top dog on the playground, and later on in life too. Let’s face it, some kid’s head is going to end up nose down in the toilet in the school bathroom. Don’t let it be yours. It’s your kid or the one your kid does it to. Make sure your kid is the doer. You don’t want to have a kid who’s done to. No siree, Bob!

Shucks, if you’re going to tell your targets you’re a “harasser family,” it’s only fitting that the “family” includes children. It works out well since, if they’re caught, their records can be expunged when they turn 18. No promises but if you play your cards right, there might even be a friendly attorney around who’ll file the paperwork without you payin’ him a red cent! Chalk it up to childish mischief. The penalties for adult mobbers…. well, I shudder to think about it—all those felonies don’t go over too well. Those federal statutes are mighty tough. And so long as your foolproof scam for felony harassment with impunity isn’t exposed, there’s no chance that you’ll be caught and risk losing the kids you “turned out” to harass the neighbors.

♣

It’s Sunday afternoon and I’ve been listening to NPR and attempting to “tune out” the harassment that is either put over the NPR broadcast, perhaps by using a CB radio with a linear antenna, or projected onto my windows with, most likely, a directional speaker. In the last hours, several thirty-something men have come and gone from the mobbing house to my south, one hurriedly backing an unfamiliar SUV up the driveway into the garage, and then another who has been more familiar as of late with tribal type tattoos on his arms. He often brings a child with him, and the child is with him again. This Fourth Rule of Mobbing is satirically written to commemorate a feature that has attended the mobbing since its opening: The use of children’s or childish voices, these days evident with the presence of this minor child.